Fight for your happiness! Do not ruin your life!

Morris and Helen married for 80!!! years with 2 children, 7 grandchildren 
and 6 great grandchildren

Marriage of Morris and Helen in 1934. 
 




Hello, my dear readers!
To those Indians and non Indians who do not believe in love

This article is preferably for Indians and other readers who believe in arranged marriages or marriages based on anything else rather than love. This article is for those who reject love marriage claiming love marriages are always/often a failure because love is not so reliable as traditions and caste or family roots. I’m writing for those who believe love marriages lead to divorce. I’m also writing for those people, mostly females but not only, who decide to keep their marriage only for the sake of keeping the marriage while married life does not give them any satisfaction or content anymore.

I want to draw people’s attention towards this problem once again though I know there must have been written already a lot about it. Moreover, I am almost sure that most of those who would read my article up to the end would be the people who already agree my ideas. While those who really need to read this post will simply ignore it! It’s usually like  that  with humans  – most of us do not want to admit our mistakes, delusions, and fallacy.
Nevertheless, let me try…
Most young Indians prefer arranged marriages
While living in India I got to know that most Indians do not believe in marriages between an Indian and a foreigner stating that foreigners are not serious about marriage and so do not get married for a life time but just for a short period of time. Moreover Indians, even those among young generations, think they should find a partner (and even make friends) only within their castes.
Belief in arranged marriage
You may be surprised to know the recent polls (2017) reveal that almost 50% of young Indians prefer their life partner to be chosen by parents! And about 40% are prone to judge a young couple dining together in a restaurant (in other words, being on a date). Indeed, I still remember the face of a girl who was informing me about her upcoming marriage and inviting me for the wedding. He face was enlightened with happiness and I logically assumed her being in love and asked if that was going to be a love marriage. To my surprise she replied: ” No. It is arranged.
Prejudice against foreigners
Taking into consideration the said above, it’s clear that a foreigner as a life partner is absolutely inappropriate for an Indian in the opinion of most of them. Many Indians do have a preconvinced opinion about foreigners thinking they do not value marriage and and are not interested in long-term relationship.
And this is so unfair! Moreover this situation is devastating as it may easily ruin somebody’s love and life. So I decided to find information proving that marriages between foreigners may be OFTEN for lifetime while marriages between Indians may end up a failure.
Indian arranged marriages do fail
During my 5 years of life in India I got to know from my Indian acquaintances, Indian newspapers and other mass media that Indians do have failed marriage, they do divorce. Otherwise they often continue living that boring or even disgusted life in order to avoid a divorce.
Destructive marriages
To be fair I must admit that such destructive marriages with spouses living together as strangers or even enemies take place everywhere in the world, not only in India. But the situation is worse in the countries like India where divorce is considered bad or inappropriate.
Pay attention that I’m not speaking now about marriages between Indian Bollywood stars or other celebrities that often end up a divorce and they may divorce and get married many times again and again. No, I’m not speaking about celebrities. Those which I came across were failed marriages of ordinary Indian middle class families.
Reasons of failure
If you ask about the reasons and situations of such failed marriages, they are different just like anywhere in the world. Some people simply don’t suit each other by the character, others were in love with someone else even before the arranged marriage and after continue dating their lovers secretly. Some couples divorce, some continue living together while others live separately without divorcing officially.
Life-long marriages in Russia and other Western countries
Now let’s see what is happening in the western world. The following facts show that long-term relationship and life-time marriages do take place in Russian and Western world! So , let’s start.

1.Russian

In a village near Voronezh town, Russia, the spouses have been living together for 70 years!
Wife: “Alexey and I are from the same village and met at a local club. At that time I worked as a cashier and Alexey was a harvester operator. We had dated during 1 and half year before we got married in 1938.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.Russian

During celebrations in the hornour of the 70th Anniversary of Altay region of Russia, the officials paid special attention to the couples who have been living in marriage for 70 years. 23 August 2007 г. (14:43)
 Source in Russian language/Источник на русском языке:
http://www.kp.ru/daily/24049/103010/
 

3.Ukranian

 
 the Afanasyevs ,
Tatiana and Vasiliy
Ulyanovsk couple the Afanasyevs celebrated so called Crown Wedding.
An extraordinary couple has come to a registry office of a Ukranian town on St. Valentine’s Day. The spouses have been living in marriage for 70 years! How wonderful it is that 88 year old Tatiana  Afanasyeva and Vasiliy Afanasiev, being of the same age, have been maintaining their love during so many years.
3 years after their marriage a young husband had to join the Soviet army in the Second World War.
But the war was not able to separate these 2 hearts. Vasiliy went through the war and reached Prague, while his faithful wife Tatiana was waiting for him at home. Wounded but alive Vasiliy came back home.
Since that time they have never been separated. The couple has gave birth to and brought up 4 children, and there are in total 5 grandchildren and 8 great grandchildren in the family!
– “The secret of our love lies in respect of each other”,  the Afanasyevs say with a smile. “One is grumbling, another one is silent is our motto. That’s how we have managed to live together until our heads went grey. We experienced quarrels and fights but always made piece with each other.”
– “We experienced a lot in our life but I have never raised my hand against my wife”, – Vasiliy makes it clearer. “We wish current newlyweds to live together as long as us.”

Source in Russian language: http://www.kp.ru/daily/24049/103010/

4.Russian

The Zhiltsovs from Angarsk city of Russia celebrate “Blissfull Marriage”: they have been living together for 70 years.

Peter and Khristina consider themselves newlyweds. The years spent together has gone like a single one. According to the spouses the main things in marriage are love and understanding. Now Khristina is 89 and Peter is 93.

They were born in different parts of Russia: Khristina – in Altay, Peter – in Saratov region. Peter was a son of a dispossessed kulak. He was roaming about the country in search of a job and life brought him to Altay where he met his future wife.
During the war Khristina was left alone with a baby. Peter has gone through the Second World War and came back to his wife though seriously wounded – he lost an eye. After the war the Zhiltsovs lived in Tadzhikistan for several years and outlived a horrible earthquake of 1985 after which they moved to Angarsk to their daughter’s place.
 
Khristina: “When we got married I had only 2 frocks and my husband – 1 pair of pants”, but we lived happily with each other like kids.”

Source in Russian language: http://svadba.net.ru/news/67

5.English

Frank and Anita Milford

English spouses have been living together for 80 years!

Frank Milford and his wife Anita got married at the age of 20.
Now they have already celebrated 80 years anniversary of life together!
They gave vows to love each other 80 years ago in 1928 and they have never been separated since then .
They have 2 children and 4 grandchildren.
In addition both spouses also celebrated 100 years birth anniversary.

Source: MIGnews.com

This is only a small number of lifetime marriages! I have found a lot of others in the Internet, so many that it’s simply impossible to mention all of them in one article.
Divorce is not an evil
As you can see Russian people and other westerners do not necessarily divorce! Our marriages may also last for lifetime. Yes, there are divorces in western countries but unlike in India they are only an evidence of a free will of western people and not a proof of wrong family values or proclivity towards divorces! Don’t you think that it’s better to separate than continue destructive or disappointing relationship?
If a marriage does not bring you happiness anymore or if you are in love with someone else rather than with your spouse, then divorce is  just a way out and there is nothing bad about it.
Surely Divorce is better and more fair than having a love affair on the side or shout at your children to relieve stress from disappointing relationship or secretly hate your husband or wife.
Divorce is actually just a refusal from an old life that was not good enough and a step towards new opportunities and NEW life!
Lucky arranged marriages
Some arranged marriages are really happy and based on love as well as convenience. But it mostly happens only when youngsters are lucky to fall in love within the same caste and/or social circle and the parents of both are already on good terms with each other.
Destructive marriage
A destructive marriage in which partners are disappointed or frustrated, feel missing their life and do not love each other can be among both arranged and initially love marriages. Arranged marriages basing on the society and family rules and traditions often turned into a trap out of which people are not able to get out. This is what is really harmful about arranged marriage.
Fight for your happy life
That’s why I urge you to fight for being happy, to fight for your love, to fight for living your own life, not the life prepared for you by the rules and traditions. Everyone has the right to be happy and live life that he or she wants to live. Do not miss your life just because of society opinion or pressure of your relatives or because of your own weakness and compliant temper. Be different from what you was taught to be. Use the examples of other people who changed their life. Watch videos of psychologists to change your character and learn to be stronger.
Remember that divorce or refusal to get married to an arranged partner may be much less harmful than a frustrating marriage lasting for years.

8 thoughts on “Fight for your happiness! Do not ruin your life!

  • February 6, 2013 at 1:13 pm
    Permalink

    you could simply tell them to get lost. you need not write this much 🙂

    Reply
  • February 11, 2015 at 5:54 am
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    Evelina, I really agree with you. Moreover, I have personal experience of unhappy marriage, but the main problem is the child, and for example, my half Indian daughter will never forgive me if I divorce her father, all the Indian side of the family will be shocked and most probably will cut me off. So you see divorce, or even separation is not always a solution.

    Reply
  • May 5, 2015 at 4:52 pm
    Permalink

    Hi, thank you for sharing your personal situation. I have just tried to imagine how it would be if I had to face the same problem as yours. You are right surely mother cannot leave her child…And I know another family like yours, the foreign wife used to have severe fights with her Indian mother-in-law. The couple also cannot divorce but they decided to live separately: the mother now lives alone with her child and the husband visits them regularly.

    Try to have more influence on your daughter, try to make her your friend and try to make her familiar with and understand another world where divorce is not a bad thing so that she could understand your decision. I wish you good luck, patience and love and tenderness of your daughter.

    Reply

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